History Pop-Ups

Have you ever noticed little things you do in your life now – unconsciously – because of a past experience?  I know I do.

When I forcefully separated from my first husband, the polite description would be that he didn’t take it well.  And after this, he seemed to spend a lot of time just hanging out where he could watch places that I happened to be.  Like the bottom of my street, all night.  For years, there were cars driving by (it’s hard to hide when you have a personalized license plate), following me, or going up and down my street.  I felt like I spent all my time looking over my shoulder.

That wasn’t the beginning, of course – before the “forceful separation”, he’d come home from work and hunt around for evidence of things I’d done during the day.  I’m not sure what he thought might go on with three toddlers in the house, but in case that’s something you haven’t experienced personally, let me tell you – it’s hard to do much that isn’t child- and home-related.

That was nearly twenty-five years ago.  (wow, that’s still hard to believe).  But I still watch the vehicles around me carefully.  I know what my neighbours drive and notice when they have a new or strange vehicle in their driveway.  I watch the cars parked on the road to see who their occupants might be visiting or work out why they are there. 

Cars that stay behind me or seem to follow all my turns get special attention.  One of the worst was a few years ago – someone who followed my turns onto a variety of streets on my way home in the middle of nowhere.  While the car didn’t follow onto my minimally-populated country road, I did know that going around the block could also bring someone to my destination.  I called my honey, who was standing in the driveway when I got home minutes later.

The car that was “following” me never did show up at my home.  Was it really following me?  I’m not certain, but I do find it’s a good example of how long-seated fears or beliefs – paradigms – affect us as humans.

The subconscious is a powerful thing.  If you’re one of those fortunate people who had a core of stability and love built from a young age, it will continue to give you that confidence and strength.  If there’s something which undermines you, it will lurk and seek opportunities to raise its head.

So what’s the lesson here?  Well, there’s the usual one:  we’re all dealing with stuff.  We don’t fully know what someone else is dealing with.  Be kind.  There’s more, though – know yourself.  Be aware of those bits of history which pop up for you, and have some solutions ready to deal with the feelings of fear, anxiety, or whatever else arises as a result.  If you know something is resolved, let it go.  Knowing yourself is powerful – it limits the subconscious’ ability to surprise you!