The Family you Choose

Families are an interesting thing, aren’t they?  Some people are really close to theirs.  Some are distant and don’t communicate at all.  Some even live with their families (note: I’m very glad I don’t live with either my parents or my children!)  For many people, family can be an on and off thing.

That’s certainly been the case for me.  There have been times in my life where I was very connected with my family.  There have been times where I wasn’t.  That’s where “the family you choose” comes in.

I’ve dealt with a variety of difficult times in my life over the last 50+ years.  And one of these was most definitely a time when I wasn’t close to my family.  On any level.  But on another level, I was incredibly fortunate.

As I entered one of the lowest times in my life, I started a boring job with lousy hours.  Many things about this job were less than optimal.  One of the pluses, though, came in my initial training class.  It wasn’t immediate, but over the two-week training, I connected with a wonderful woman in that class.  She’d been through some of the difficulties I was currently experiencing, and understood.  Best of all, she reached out, and she cared.

 

 By the end of that summer just a few months later, she and her partner had “adopted” me as their daughter.  I spent time at their home, at their cottage.  Sometimes we saw one another often, and less at other times.  But the welcome never changed.

The next few years were extremely tough for me, but I had the benefit of seeing my adopted “mama” at work, along with the benefit of extra visits.  Over time, we both left that workplace, and my visits became more intentional.  But they never stopped. 

I’ve gained not only my adopted mamas, but an entire family, including a precious sister (I’ve always wanted one) in the southern US along with her children and grandchildren.  While we don’t see one another often due to distance, I feel like the connection is there even when we don’t talk.  It’s never a deliberate silence, just one that happens when we’re busy with different things in our lives.

Through the intervening 15+ years, we’ve built a strong bond.  Just like a blood family, there have been moments that weren’t perfect.  Moments we disagreed, argued, offended one another.  That’s normal.  There have also been all kinds of moments of love and joy.  Moments of silliness and laughter.  Those are the ones I cherish.

I’ve been blessed – not only because these wonderful people chose me to ‘adopt’ into their family, but because I fully embraced and welcomed this.  Every relationship involves some effort on both sides, and I’m privileged and honoured to have this chosen family in addition to my blood family.

So what’s the lesson here?  Sometimes life sucks.  It happens.  To me, and likely to you too at some point.  But there are also plenty of people out there.  People who care.  People who love you.  Maybe they’re friends you have now.  Maybe they’re friends to whom you just haven’t yet opened doors.  Maybe they’re your blood family.  Look for those people.  Love them.  Appreciate them. Because whether they’re yours by love, or by blood, they’re the family that nurtures and supports you.