Never Too Small

I was about three years old the first time I learned that I could make a difference.  How old were you – or have you realized yet that you have that power?

We’re all products of our environments, but sometimes it’s surprising how quickly we absorb what’s around us.  While many of my mother’s family were heavy smokers, my parents not only didn’t smoke but worked actively with the local branch of the Canadian Cancer Society.

I was a precocious child (that won’t surprise anyone who knows me personally), and while I don’t expect that any of the adults in my life sat me down at that young age and explained the details of the dangers of smoking.  After all, even the most precocious three-year-old isn’t typically a smoker yet.  I did, however, hear enough of the conversation around me to understand that smokers were at risk.

None of my grandparents lived nearby, and we saw them a couple of times of year.  I’m not sure I specifically remember this occasion, but I’ve certainly heard the story over and over again from multiple sources to feel like I do!  

I was the first grandchild in my mother’s family, and while one cousin followed quickly and a few more several years later, my grandparents’ home was one place where I always felt special.  As many European families – and others – did at that time in the 70s, people smoked indoors, at the dinner table, and around children.  I was sitting on my grandfather’s knee, and the legend goes that I looked up at my grandfather and said “Grandpa, please don’t smoke.  I don’t want you to die”. 

Can you just hear the BOOM?  Imagine being an adult in that room.  How would you answer that to such a young child?  How would you do so with honesty, and without discounting what’s just been said – that huge elephant which has suddenly exploded into the norm of just moments ago?  My grandfather did.  He crushed out the cigarette he held in his hand in a nearby ashtray, and for the next 25 years or so until his death, he never picked up another one.  His tolerance for others’ smoking in the house decreased drastically.  The commitment he made that day remained steadfast throughout those years. 

If you’ve ever tried to quit smoking – or succeeded, you’re probably looking at this story and wondering, “Seriously?  Why isn’t it that easy for everyone?”  I don’t know that it was easy for my grandfather, but he made it work.  As I wasn’t there in the in-between times, there might have been all kinds of challenges.  In hindsight, there likely were. 

But at that moment in time, I knew one thing with absolute certainty:  my grandfather loved me enough to give up an integral part of his life.  Because it mattered to me.  Because he understood in that childlike comment “I don’t want you to die” that I was declaring my love for him.  And in his wordless response, I heard his love for me. 

Little things do make a difference.  Taking a friend’s hand while they cry, spending some time listening when it’s needed, bringing over a batch of cookies, sending an encouraging card, email or text, or a phone call to say “I’m thinking of you”.  

What will you do today to make a difference?