Do as I say...

Do as I say, not as I do.

It’s heard far too often – in my opinion – in too many contexts.  There are so many politicians, other leaders, and more who follow this pretext.  Whether it’s intentional or accidental, it’s a concept with which I have a problem.

Are you sometimes around people like that?  Perhaps not the public ones, but some of the personal connections in your life?  I have a few of this type.  In some cases, they’re even people I love, respect, or admire. But the fact that what they say and what they do doesn’t match definitely affects me. 

First and foremost, I feel confusion.  I don’t know what to think, or what to believe.  And while I can sometimes – or often – make an educated guess based on my knowledge of that person, I prefer to avoid this on the “assume” premise.  You know, the one where “assume” makes an ass out of u and me.   It’s been my observation that this is often true for the simple reason that we never completely know another person.  Heck, most people don’t fully know themselves. 

Next, there’s an aspect of this which just feels uncomfortable, and not right, to my naturally suspicious mind.  If someone is saying this, and doing that, I not only wonder which to believe, I start to wonder if I’ve misinterpreted other things they’ve said.  Cue the huge spiral of doubt and second-guessing at which I excel here.  This is a nasty path which feeds itself with incredible success and can lead me on for days.  Whether I’m right or wrong in my second-guessing remains a mystery, though. It simply creates an environment of mistrust and unproductivity (is that a word?) for me.

Last, it causes me to worry about reliability.  Can I trust this person to get things done?  Can I trust what they say?  Are they being sarcastic or serious?  Sometimes, it’s much harder to discern these things than one would imagine.  And while this sounds a little bit like the last concern with the second-guess spiral, it’s more tangible and less circular in its form.

I had a boss who once told me that we could tell “them” one thing but do another, rather than lead by example.  I didn’t feel good about that at the time.  I still don’t.  Instead, I prefer the adage “begin as you mean to go on”.  I’d much rather go with someone who’s walking the talk – whether it’s in business, life, religion, or anything else.

Wouldn’t you?  Today’s lesson: be someone you want to follow, not someone you’d worry about.