What Fits Best

Have you ever noticed that when we give, it’s so often out of our own interest? 

Don’t get me wrong, giving is good no matter its source.  If I’m in the mood to give music and play the piano for a couple of hours at a retirement home, there’s still going to be a crowd of happy seniors, even if they weren’t looking for music.

If you buy a hamburger and fries for someone on the street, it’s going to be appreciated even if their favourite meal is really spaghetti.

Sometimes, though, it matter more if the gift fits the recipient.  Think of a great set of steak knives as a wedding gift for a vegan couple.  Now that’s an obvious one (I hope!)

My first two children are just seventeen months (and five days) apart.  And while my first child was completely disinterested in “the baby in mommy’s tummy”, once his sister was born, he was mesmerized.  She was tiny, she was beautiful, and she was his sister. 

He wanted to share all of his things with her.  Now, this was pretty cute when there were two cute stuffed bunnies and he tucked them both into the bouncy chair beside her.  It was pretty cute when he covered her with his blanket, or snuggled his favourite bear beside her.  It was even pretty adorable when he thought she could also eat Cheerios (at 2 months old).

But little boys who are not quite two – or at least, mine - have another fascination.  Things that roll.  Things that move.  Things with wheels.  Even more so if you can put stuff in it and dump it out. Yes, that famous Tonka truck – likely owned by most children at some point.  And back in the early 90s, those Tonka trucks were made of steel.  They were large and heavy.

Heavy, though, is a relative thing when one is almost two and wants to share a truck (I won’t repeat the pronunciation used at the time by its owner…) with your baby sister.  Sometimes, one wants to do that while the baby sister is in a playpen.  So what to do?  Well, if one is strong and tries hard, and uses a stool, one might pick up said truck to drop it into the playpen for the sister.  (Thankfully, I saw and caught that BEFORE it landed on the sister!)

His intentions were good.  But he failed to understand that large heavy trucks aren’t a best choice for children under six months old.  He also failed to understand that dropping the truck on her from a height of two feet might have undesirable results.

This lack of understanding is pretty justifiable in a toddler.  And yet, we as adults often display this.  Instead of looking and listening first, we give what’s at hand.  We give what’s easy.  We give what we might want.

There are times when that works out – and again, giving is never a bad thing.  But to truly help someone, to make the greatest difference, it pays to listen first.  To hear and understand what’s needed.  And then, give that. 

Best of all, that’s often something simple, like a listening ear, or a big hug.  Are you fitting what’s needed today?