Make a Difference

Have you ever found yourself in a place where you just felt defeated?  Exhausted, overwhelmed, and ready to give up entirely?  I know I have – one of these times just this week.

Just recently, I was working on something for which I couldn’t find a solution to a problem which should have been easy.  Everything I tried seemed designed to create new frustrations.  I was angry.  I was annoyed.  I felt stupid.  I started to doubt myself.  I started to beat myself up.  I started to feel like giving up.

Except that I couldn’t.  This was something to which I’d committed.  Something I believed I could do.  Something I considered important for me to do.

It took a while, but once I got past the self-recrimination, I started to look for other solutions.  Was there another way to do this?  Was there someone who could help me?  I’d frustrated myself out of all the ways I could think of to help myself.

I thought about people I knew who might be knowledgeable about this type of problem.  People I trusted not to laugh at me (this was a key factor).  People I thought might be available and answer quickly, because I wasn’t sure I was up to much else.  Someone I trusted to effectively “fix” this.  I messaged a younger friend who I considered likely to be at the very least able to point me in the right direction. 

Guess what?  She did (and quickly).  She even took the time to phone me and help me understand what I was having trouble with, where the key answers would be, and how to access them.  She offered personal help in a few areas.  Most importantly, she did an amazing job of countering all of the things I was telling myself just minutes before.  I wasn’t stupid.  This wasn’t nearly as easy or obvious as I had told myself, and she felt this could have been made more clear at the start (thus eliminating said frustration). 

Miracle of miracles, I no longer felt like giving up.  While the solution needed to the base problem wasn’t nearly as quick or easy as I would have liked, I was able to find support and answers there.  My friend was again able to help in a couple of areas.  And I was able to achieve my original purpose.  Well, there’s a little more work to do on it, but I’ve surmounted what I considered to be the main hurdle.  That was huge.

Here’s the key:  we all have areas where we excel or are knowledgeable.  We also have areas where we don’t know our ass from our elbow.  That’s ok.  If you’re really fortunate, you’re informed as to some of your areas of lack, and know people who are stronger in these.

My reminder here was that it’s ok to need help and ask for it (not just to give it).  This has a few benefits.  Not only did I receive exactly the help I needed, but my plea served a second, just as important, purpose.  My friend – who had called me in urgent need of support, information and reassurance on an area where I’m more experienced – was able to share her own knowledge and expertise to help me directly in return.  While I’m not grateful for the frustration and need for help, I’m glad to have made a difference, and to give the opportunity to make one as well.   

It doesn’t always work quite that directly.  Sometimes, it’s a bigger circle of help from one to another.  It’s always ok, though, to need someone else.  After all, if we were all entirely self-sustaining, we wouldn’t have much of a community, would we?