Good Advice

How do you take advice?  Do you enjoy it, go looking for it?  Or do you stay in “always done it this way” or “I like it so it’s right”.  Those aren’t necessarily bad things – sometimes habits are formed for very good reasons, and sometimes a right choice for one person isn’t best for another. 

I consider myself incredibly blessed to be surrounded by some amazing people.  Some are clearly my mentors and advisors, and others tend to support and encourage, and don’t as obviously see the benefits I reap from their presence. 

One thing always intrigues me, though.  It’s that “just my opinion, you don’t have to use it” line.  As someone who’s periodically subject to self-doubt, I know how I use this line.  It’s my way of expressing my lack of confidence in the value someone else may gain from my thoughts. It’s also a qualifier in the hope that they don’t look down on me if they choose not to use this information. 

Now, if I’m volunteering advice to someone, this qualifier might have a little bit of validity.  Might.  But the individuals who use this periodically are people whose advice and guidance I value.  I not only want their opinions, I’ve specifically asked for them.  That’s usually pretty clear.  These are people who I look up to, who I admire, who I respect.    

I was pretty baffled by this until I stopped and thought about it.  I’m also fortunate to have people who look up to me, and who seek my advice.  At times, I find that their view of me seems to greatly exceed my own – I suspect that my view of them also exceeds their own self view. 

So is this perhaps true of my own mentors and advisors?  They are, after all, people.  Just like me.  My view of them is a great one.  They certainly seem to see me as more than I do myself.  Could it be that my insecurities aren’t in fact special and unique?  Are they common?  Do we all feel this way? 

I’m going to say probably - excepting some narcissists and others like them – most of us feel this way.  As individuals, we tend to discount our own value to others.  And yet, they still see it.    

As in Robert Burns’ poem To a Louse, On Seeing One on a Lady’s Bonnet at Church” (thanks, Wikipedia) 

Burns original O wad some Pow'r the giftie gie us To see oursels as ithers see us! It wad frae mony a blunder free us, An' foolish notion: What airs in dress an' gait wad lea'e us, An' ev'n devotion!

Standard English translation Oh, would some Power give us the gift To see ourselves as others see us! It would from many a blunder free us, And foolish notion: What airs in dress and gait would leave us, And even devotion!

While this isn’t exactly the poem’s intent, do you ever wonder how you’d treat yourself if you saw as others do?  Be kind to yourself too.  And tell the people around you that you appreciate them.  Maybe they don't know!  Dear reader, I appreciate you!