It all starts with a pebble

 

I appreciate you.  You’re important to me.  Thanks for listening. 

This seems obvious, right?  Tell the people around you that you care about them.  Tell them you appreciate them.  Let them know they matter to you.

You might be looking at this thinking “seriously, they know”.   Trust me, there’s no such thing as knowing this “too well”.  In fact, as I was writing today’s blog, a friend dropped by and we exchanged some encouraging words as a good reminder of the value here.

As ever, there’s a story attached.  This one goes back a number of years, and I learned some important lessons from it.  I was dating a guy – my friend’s brother.  He was a nice enough guy, and treated me pretty well.

The catch, though, was that I wasn’t really what – or who – he wanted.  To be honest, he wasn’t what I really wanted either - I was still healing from another relationship.  We both knew this.  Over time, though, I grew to care for him more.  I always felt, though, that shadow of who he really wanted.  She wasn’t anyone I particularly liked or respected, but he talked about her often.  I might be good at something, but she was better and this was why.  (She was also enough of a snob that she saw him as “not good enough” for her).  While I was clear that he liked me and cared about me, I knew I wasn’t the focal point.  I always felt like I too wasn't good enough.

There were other things, too.  While he treated me well when we were alone, or somewhere anonymous, he didn’t want me to be with him when he went to our local bar – a place where we were both known – or any other place where we might be seen together.  There were – and probably still are – a lot of people who never knew we dated for nearly two years.

One day, it happened.  Someone else noticed me, treated me well – better, at any rate – and was proud to be seen with me.  I felt the difference.  So did he.  As he went through stages from angry to hurt and back again, I remember him saying “But I love you”.  I never knew.  He never told me, and I didn’t know.

Despite our ill-fated relationship, he was a good man and I hope he’s doing well out there somewhere.  My friendship with his sister ended when our relationship did, and I haven’t heard from either of them in many years.

I’m often reminded, though, of this lesson.  It’s one I work to put into practice on an ongoing basis.  Tell the people you love that you love them.  Tell the people who help you that you appreciate their help.  Tell the people who encourage you that you notice and value that.  Tell the people you care about that they’re wonderful, and why they’re special to you.  Trust me on this:  they’ll remember, and it will matter.

It all grows from a ripple.  Be the pebble that starts it.