Life Lessons from Little Things

I’ve always viewed myself as a kind and helpful person.  I like to help people, and while sometimes my efforts go astray, it’s nice to think they’re appreciated more often than not.  My cat Spot is also helpful in the special way that cats can be, and I hope I’m more helpful than she is! Sometimes, though, helping people backfires.   After some hands-on observation and personal learning, I’ve realized a few things.   But first, the story. They were a family I ‘knew’ – loosely.   My partner knew them better, and they were getting kicked out of their trailer for non-payment of rent.   Alarm bells should have been going off here – if you’re working full time (even at minimum wage) and can’t pay rent on a $400/month trailer, there are more things at play. But back to the story.   A dad, and two teen boys, all six-foot-plus, needing a home.   I was starting a cab company in a small town, had a big house, and figured I could help and they c...

A friend of mine posted part of a poem this morning, and it really struck me.  So much so that I changed what I wanted to (and had already begun to) write about. It’s a quote from Rupi Kaur   “…what terrifies me most is how we foam at the mouth with envy when others succeed, but sigh in relief when they are failing    our struggle to celebrate each other is what’s proven most difficult in being human…” [sic] The minute I saw this, it spoke to me.   Interestingly, though, it reminded me of competition, which I my mind is pretty much the same thing.   That premise of needing to be “better” or “more” than everyone/someone else. Do we emerge from the womb this way, seeking to best each other?   Selfishly seeking more for ourselves?   If you’ve ever had a newborn in the house, you might well say yes.   I do (three of them), and I say maybe.   Maybe.   Maybe we do.   Newborn babies don’t think about what someone else ne...

How often do you feel let down – by yourself, or by others?  It’s frustrating, isn’t it?  Have you ever wished you could do something about it?   Me too. A while ago, I learned about expectations – those I have for myself, those which I project onto others, and those which others project on me.   One of the most frustrating and helpful things I learned was that we choose these. Why frustrating?   Well, if I choose it, have I can do something about it, right?   That puts onus on me.   Why helpful?   Again, if I choose it, I have the power to do something about it.   Yep, on all three of those counts. We all have expectations – yes, you too.   Perhaps they’re reasonable ones.   I have all kinds of expectations I consider to be reasonable.   Take these, for example:    When I contact someone, they should reply.   Trust me, working in sales taught me this is not necessarily the case.   It’s...

Do you ever look at someone and just wonder what makes them tick?   Or do you consider what you know about their history and wonder how it doesn’t seem to impact them? I find it interesting how we all respond to situations differently – the current COVID-19 situation is a clear example, where some huddle terrified in their homes with no contact and lots of toilet paper, and others take no heed whatsoever and act as though nothing has change.   Of course, most people are somewhere between these two extremes. Our cat Sky, too, is an example of surprising ambivalence.   Sky came to us with Roxy, who you may remember from The Invisible Cat and Trust: A Relationship Built on Time, Consistency, and Boundaries in early 2017.   While he arrived in a spherical state (seriously, he was round ), Sky was friendly and handle-able. Sky’s life with us began sharing some of Roxy’s terrors – brooms and towels – but like her, he’s gotten over these and hasn’t run terr...

Have you ever noticed that we don’t always see what’s really in front of us?   Somehow, we all seem to have those moments where the really obvious isn’t that obvious after all. We lived for about six years on a farm.   There were a lot of things we enjoyed about this (the quiet, the privacy, the cats could wander without leaving the property…) but we particularly enjoyed the birds.   Hummingbirds, specifically. We moved in December, and so when I heard a buzzing sound outside the front window in the spring, I had no idea what to expect.   There, suspended outside our large window, was a tiny hummingbird.   His demeanor was relatively friendly except for a very clear message:   “You know, it’s been a long trip here … a little sustenance would be nice!”.   I quickly purchased a simple feeder, got the recipe for hummingbird syrup, and had that feeder out as soon as the syrup cooled enough to avoid burning tiny hummingbird tongues (do they have...

Trust is something that’s been on my mind a lot this week.   I see it as a unique quality.   There are many qualities which we as humans may have or acquire – honesty, consistency, reliability, loyalty, empathy, and more.   But these are all inherent or acquired.   Sometimes they’re learned. . Trust is different.   You don’t learn trust.   You don’t acquire trust.   You aren’t just born giving or receiving trust.   You build it.   A new baby builds this with their parent or caregiver (hopefully!).   Ideally, you build it in your personal and business relationships.   Because without trust, it seems to me that any relationship is somehow lacking, empty. Those who’ve read along for a while may remember Roxy from The Invisible Cat .   When Roxy first came to us in January 2017, we had a clear relationship and it was built on mistrust.   Don’t get me wrong – I wanted to love her, but once we got her out from behi...

There have been so many beautiful days this week (at least, where I am).   However, I completely missed the first of these – it was a beautiful day, but I had no idea until I went out around 6pm and realized it! It made me think:   what else do I miss because I don’t go looking, or assume it’s the same?   Let’s start with an easy example – television. There are people who watch a lot of television and know all about the latest shows and episodes – what’s good, what’s controversial, and what won’t last past Season 1.   Then, there’s me.   Even if you allow for subjectivity in television preferences, I’m still at the low end of this scale.   I just don’t watch it (or at least, I didn’t).   People would talk about all kinds of shows, and I hadn’t even heard of them, let alone seen the latest episode.   It’s not like it was a big worry.   But with the recent isolation, I’ve found I have a lot more time to work on my counted cross...

It’s not your fight This is something I heard yesterday – it related to individual circumstances, to people who are struggling in their personal situation.   It spoke to the fact that even when we empathize with another’s situation, or are close to the person involved, you can’t fight their fight or feel their pain for them.   It’s theirs to go through.   You can simply hold space for them – you can be there, have their back, and love them where they are.   Sometimes, that’s the hardest part, isn’t it? As someone who’s a problem-solver by nature, this is a challenge for me.   Putting a problem in front of me that I’m not able/allowed to solve (or even try) is downright painful.   I feel this compulsion to solve it. But just as I’ve had to learn to solve my own problems, I also have to recognize the need to let others solve their own problems.   That’s hard for me when it’s a friend who’s dealing with something I just KNOW I could fix. ...